most of my facebook feed know what i go up to last night: i saw one direction in concert. i’m not even slightly embarrassed about it – i wouldn’t have broadcast it otherwise – but some people predictably raised an eyebrow over my decision to spend a school night (which cost 40 of my own, practically-always-sparse dollar) watching a boy band, all of whom are younger than my brother and whose target audience are the same age as the students i teach. this bromidic view of my taste in music from some of my peers neither offended or surprised me though; clearly, i have no shame or possess enough self-confidence to know that people will still like me regardless. i think the former is the safest option to pick.
despite the night being slightly tainted by the impending doom of my three hour car journey home and the lack of sleep that was to follow due to normal life having to resume the next morning, it was the first instance in a very long time that i was actually transported from my current world for a few hours. as a result, i’ve started contemplating whether i’m actually conforming to the persona of someone who’s 24 years old but perhaps more importantly, whether there’s anything wrong with allowing yourself to return to your childhood, even if it’s just for a few hours.
i haven’t found it easy to switch-off from the stressful occurrences in my life lately, mainly because the current cogs i’m attempting to turn determine my future in a ginormous way. it’s all self-inflicted pressure, so i only have myself to blame, but there’s rarely a moment when i’m not worrying about the ‘what-ifs’. essentially, it’s a weight i carry all the time: i want to be a teacher and work in a school so the current burden of hoping to get onto training in september is always at the forefront of my mind; i carry several novels in my bag in case i can steal some time to get through the endlessly long reading list i’ve set myself; until last week, my focus over the past month was on passing my numeracy and literacy tests but i haven’t quite fully recovered from the trauma of those yet.
at some point in our lives, we’ve all mourned a great day, holiday or event that we’d like to relive again and i’ve done exactly that today. not to the extent that i’m feeling blue about it but on reflection, i’ve realised just how much i appreciated those few hours spent dancing and singing along with friends i care very dearly for, in the exact same way i did when i was 16. just like we had no ‘real’ worries at that age, i found myself drifting away from my constant state of fret and lived in that moment.
that said, i don’t feel i can compare my life at 16 to the one i’m living 8 years on. i’m incredibly lucky to have the life i’m leading and i try to count my blessings often. however, what i have at 24 isn’t what everyone else is expected to have at this age (by society’s terms anyway) – for example, i’ve been told several times that adam and i are very young to have a mortgage. to be honest, i think similar of couples who are engaged, even married.
it seems to me that your early to mid-twenties give you the opportunity to find your own two feet; there isn’t the same expectation that you should have a house, career and be married that’s placed on 30-somethings. therefore, i think that if i’m considered to be “too young” to be married, have children or own a house, then i’m probably not too old to dabble in my not-so-guilty boy band pleasure for one night only either. after all, i might as well live while i’m young!
i’ve lost count of how many times i’ve said i’ll start blogging again (after a few years away from the scene) hence the post title #infinite. seeing as it’s 13 days into the new year, i won’t exactly class this as a new year’s resolution – and i wouldn’t want it to be either. i purposely never make resolutions because it’s OBVIOUS when you start doing something new/different on 1 january. so no, this isn’t something i’ve secretly said i’ll do in 2013 and delayed until the new year hype died down; it’s merely coincidental.
i’ve written so many ‘first’ posts before, only to delete them pretty promptly as they didn’t have the right vibe i was aiming for. it wasn’t the post’s fault though – i just didn’t know what i was going to write about consistently…until now, i hope. my chosen topic: just what happens, because that’s the only thing i don’t get bored with.
let’s see how this goes…